During a divorce, no one knows how to push your buttons quite like your spouse. Even in the most amicable separations, emotions can run high, and tensions can flare. The same is true in reverse—you have the ability to push their buttons, too. So, what do you do? When they push, do you push back, or do you take the high road?
Taking the high road means choosing not to react in the way they expect. It’s about putting your children’s well-being above your own immediate emotions and reframing your responses.
The Challenge of Taking the High Road
Taking the high road is not easy. Imagine climbing a steep mountain with loose stones that threaten to trip you up and briar bushes that sting and tear at your skin. These obstacles represent the memories of happier times that creep into your mind, leaving you questioning why this is happening. They’re the comments you hear from others about how your ex is thriving or moving on. Every step feels like unnecessary pain, but each one also represents progress and growth.
Amanda, who has helped countless clients navigate divorce, knows this struggle firsthand. “It’s not easy to take the high road when you feel like everything is stacked against you. But each time you choose not to engage in conflict, you grow stronger.”
How to Stay on the High Road
Taking the high road requires focus and discipline. Here are strategies to help you stay on track:
- Control Your Reactions
You don’t need to respond to every provocation. People may want to see you react, especially your ex, to fit their narrative. Choosing not to engage is a powerful statement of self-control.
One mantra that Amanda shares with her clients is, “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.” It’s a reminder that others’ perceptions are shaped by their own biases and emotions, not your reality. - Release Stress Physically
Engaging your body is essential for managing stress. Practices like somatic breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds) can calm your nervous system. Amanda also recommends incorporating activities that engage large muscle groups, such as yoga, walking, or even punching a pillow. - Take Your Time to Respond
Not every text or email needs an immediate response. Give yourself the grace to process your emotions before replying. Words have power, but they can only affect you if you allow them to. Use that time to decide how to respond—or whether to respond at all. - Find Gratitude in Small Moments
Gratitude might feel out of reach, but small moments can make a big difference. Amanda shares, “For me, it was beets. My ex hated them, but after the divorce, I could fill my kitchen with whatever food I loved. That small realization felt like a moment of freedom.” These little victories build upon each other, creating a foundation for resilience.
Lessons from the High Road
Each time you choose the high road, you’re choosing growth and a chance to become the best version of yourself. It’s not about perfection—there will be times when you stumble. But acknowledging your feelings with safe, trusted people instead of reacting to your ex is key.
Amanda often draws inspiration from the book Hinds’ Feet on High Places. It’s a reminder that the path to the high road is steep and challenging, but the view from the top is worth every step.
Embracing Your New Chapter
Divorce is a painful process, but it’s also an opportunity for transformation. As Amanda reminds her clients, “There is light at the end of this tunnel, and it’s not a train.”
Taking the high road during divorce isn’t just about navigating the immediate challenges—it’s about creating a foundation for a brighter, more empowered future. With every step you take, you’re moving closer to the person you’re meant to become.
I’m Amanda Warlick, and I founded Resilient Life Mentoring because I believe everyone deserves to navigate life’s challenges with clarity and resilience, whether it’s a career shift, a high-conflict divorce, or another significant life change.
